How to deal with a difficult coworker
This article was updated on December 4, 2023.
Written by Claire O'Brien
For many, the most rewarding part of a job are the diverse personalities that come to work every day. Research has shown that bonding with co-workers is integral to developing workplace social capital, a resource linked to job satisfaction and career success.
But what happens when you encounter difficult co-workers while trying to slay your career objectives?
Maybe your boss is a narcissist. Or Phil from Accounts Receivable never returns your emails. Or Sharon in Legal turns every meeting into a tense negotiation.
Mastering the workplace skills needed to navigate these career challenges is part of every job. So, we sat down with Sarah Rodriguez, a Senior Human Resources Business Partner at 爱污传媒 (UOPX), to compile a list of proven strategies to help you handle yourself, even when dealing with difficult people at work.聽
How to deal with a difficult co-worker (while keeping your cool)
1. Create and respect your personal boundaries
Knowing and enforcing your professional limits is crucial for maintaining a healthy work-life balance while protecting your overall well-being. Employees with clear boundaries can preserve their time, energy and mental health, leading to increased productivity and job satisfaction.
Without boundaries, work can easily spill over into personal time and cause burnout or resentment. According to , overworking leads to decreased performance and employee health problems, like depression, excessive drinking and even a .
If you鈥檝e never considered your workplace boundaries, where do you start? 鈥淗ealthy boundaries start with having an awareness of your values and what鈥檚 going to help you work most effectively,鈥 Rodriguez says.
This can look many different ways, such as:
- Not checking emails after hours and on the weekends.
- Taking your PTO, sick and mental health days.
- Not feeling obligated to participate in optional after-hours social activities.
- Setting your working hours (and sticking to them).
- Keeping relationships professional.
- Declining unnecessary meetings.
- Delegating work when necessary.
And remember, your career and personal life are constantly evolving, so your boundaries should too. Covering extra shifts for a flakey co-worker could be something you do early in your career but less so when you have children to pick up from school or more responsibilities in the office.聽
2. Practice thoughtful communication early and often
Second only to knowing your boundaries is being able to communicate them. Perhaps the most important word in your vocabulary to practice is 鈥渘o.鈥 It鈥檚 impossible to say yes to every request and do everything well (especially if you want to preserve your sanity).
Practicing a thoughtful and professional way to decline excess demands while respecting your boundaries is critical. But sometimes that鈥檚 easier said than done 鈥 especially when dealing with a difficult co-worker. According to , most workplace conflicts arise due to ineffective communication tactics, which leads to misunderstandings.聽
鈥淭he first part of a good communication strategy for dealing with anyone who seems unpleasant, rude or unfriendly is to pause and think about the situation and your role, their role, and any potential environmental factors contributing [to the situation],鈥 Rodriguez says. 鈥淢oving from reactive, automatic thinking to more thoughtful, rational thinking allows us to challenge our biases and assumptions, more accurately assess the situation, and find solutions.鈥
3. Avoid gossip and other toxic behaviors
Even as our workplaces become ever more virtual, office gossip still exists. In the moment, indulging in a juicy exchange may seem fun, even a way to bond with colleagues. But office gossip has such serious negative consequences on office morale and productivity that many companies have outlined 聽restricting gossip behavior.
According to Rodriguez, a harmful workplace behavior she observes more often is employees thinking the worst about each other, or 鈥渁ssuming malicious intent.鈥
鈥淔or example, if I鈥檓 really short with someone in a meeting, I might explain my behavior as I was busy and needed to get to the point,鈥 Rodriguez explains. 鈥淥n the other hand, if someone鈥檚 short with me, I鈥檒l judge that they鈥檙e rude, which will sour my impression of them. Empathy and self-awareness are key to navigating and building healthy relationships in the workplace.鈥
4. Involve a supervisor or HR when appropriate
Often, it鈥檚 possible to deal with a difficult co-worker without involving supervisors or HR, but you shouldn't always.
鈥淲hen behavior passes into ethical or legal territory, don鈥檛 hesitate to involve a supervisor or HR,鈥 Rodriguez advises.
Examples of situations where you should involve a supervisor or HR include experiencing or witnessing . Another instance when it鈥檚 time to ask for help? Experiencing or witnessing .
And if your difficult co-worker is your supervisor, it鈥檚 also a good idea to ask for help. 鈥淢anaging up is trickier,鈥 concedes Rodriguez. 鈥淐onsider looping in HR to walk through strategies, or you might want to work with a higher-level supervisor.鈥
5. Level up your soft skills
Every job requires both workplace and technical skills for an individual to be successful. While it鈥檚 the technical skills that may get you hired, it鈥檚 the soft skills that will determine .
Soft, or workplace, skills are behaviors and traits such as effective communication, emotional intelligence, conflict resolution and teamwork.
鈥淎nyone looking to work more effectively with people of different personalities should invest in their professional development,鈥 advises Rodriguez.
And you don鈥檛 need to wait until HR sends you an email about a communication webinar; opportunities to self-train abound. Rodriguez recommends a few easy ways to get started, such as listening to podcasts like and reading business books. (Radical Candor by Kim Scott is her current fave.)
There is also zero and low-cost training available on platforms such as LinkedIn that can empower employees to vocalize their boundaries.
Rodriguez adds: 鈥淲e play a role in our own experience in the workplace. That鈥檚 not to say that we鈥檙e responsible for people鈥檚 poor behavior towards us. But the more we educate ourselves and upskill ourselves in those areas, the better we will handle those difficult situations.鈥
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Claire O鈥橞rien has led copywriting teams for Hilton Worldwide Corporate鈥檚 creative studio and advertising agencies specializing in the real estate, hospitality, education and travel industries. In 2020, she founded More Better Words, a boutique copywriting agency that taps into her global connections. She lives in Costa Rica with her husband and six rescue dogs.
This article has been vetted by 爱污传媒's editorial advisory committee.聽
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