This article was updated on December 4, 2023.
Written by Laurie Davies
By the end of January, broken New Year鈥檚 resolutions are already taunting many of us. By April, they鈥檙e nearly forgotten. Maybe that gym membership hasn鈥檛 gotten much of a workout after all. Or the commitment to self-care got lost somewhere between our workaholism and 鈥 where聽did聽that gym member card go?
What gives? Why are resolutions, at the new year or any time of year, so hard to keep?
Dr. Billy Bible, MSW, DSW, LCSW, says聽setting聽resolutions starts out strong, but the motivation to actually accomplish them can fade. In the end,聽resolutions聽are usually聽rooted in feelings,聽and feelings can be flimsy.
鈥淲ith a resolution, we look back at last year 鈥 at what we聽诲颈诲苍鈥檛聽do and what we want to do better this year 鈥 and the new year has motivating feelings wrapped up in it. But motivation doesn鈥檛 carry the day,鈥 says Bible, a full-time faculty member in the social work program at 爱污传媒鈥檚聽College of Social and Behavioral Sciences.
What does?
Discipline. It鈥檚 not a sexy word, but discipline aligns with actual goals. And unlike resolutions, which tend to be feelings-driven, goals are聽values-driven. 鈥淎 New Year鈥檚 resolution is a fleeting thing. It might address something you want to change, but not really why you want to change it,鈥 Bible says. This 鈥渨hy鈥 factor 鈥 plus four other recommendations 鈥 can help you become more goal-minded at the new year or any time of year.
A former staff sergeant in the聽U.S. Marine Corps, Bible says he rarely learned of recruits who joined the Marines to gain technical skills. Most 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 join for the challenge either. 鈥淭hey鈥檇 say. 鈥業 want a good career.鈥 And I鈥檇 press them, 鈥楤ut why is that so important?鈥 And they would say they need to make good money. Again, I鈥檇 press them. Finally, they鈥檇 say something like, 鈥業 grew up poor and really struggled, and honestly I don鈥檛 want my family to struggle.鈥欌
And then they were onto something. Their why.
鈥淵ou have to get聽out of your head and get it into your heart,鈥 Bible says. You have to find your why. 鈥淚f there鈥檚 no importance to [your goal] at a deeper level, you鈥檙e probably not going to stick with it,鈥 he says.
While resolutions tend to be vague notions about correcting something you don鈥檛 love about your past, goal setting requires聽strategy and definition聽aimed at the future. The acronym SMART is one of the best tools around for putting teeth into that strategy and definition.
SMART stands for:
听听听听厂辫别肠颈蹿颈肠
听听听听惭别补蝉耻谤补产濒别
听听听听础肠丑颈别惫补产濒别
听听听听搁别补濒颈蝉迟颈肠
听听听听罢颈尘别-产辞耻苍诲
A SMART goal basically creates a structure that increases your potential for success in achieving your goal. You outline something realistic and specific that you can measure and achieve within a set time frame. It鈥檚 your framework for discipline.
As you use SMART to define a goal you can reach and stick to, Bible recommends also staying focused on achieving your goal through visualization. 鈥淪peak your goals into existence. If you鈥檙e a spiritual person, pray into your goals daily,鈥 Bible says. It鈥檚 amazing how powerful a simple statement, such as, 鈥淚 am going to do (fill in the blank),鈥 can be.
For example, in Bible鈥檚 case, when he was working on his doctoral degree, there were times when he just wanted to throw in the towel. 鈥淚nstead, I would pull out my laptop and go search for jobs that I 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 currently qualify for 鈥 higher-level jobs such as clinical director, dean of social work or director of a veterans鈥 center. I needed to imagine success for myself in one of those jobs. I needed to visualize it,鈥 he says.
To make this super practical, write your goals down and keep them visible on your bathroom mirror, on the dash of your car or as a screen lock on your phone. 鈥淭hat聽daily action聽of looking at, acting on and reflecting on achieving your goals is important,鈥 Bible says.
Another big difference between a resolution and a goal?聽Action. Sure, you might make a New Year鈥檚 resolution to be nicer to your spouse or to lose 25 pounds. But action is what聽separates the resolution crowd from the goal-setters and go-getters.
鈥淪o many people say they are starting next week, next month or next year, and they repeat the same thought process as time continues to pass them by,鈥 Bible says.
He remembers back to his first semester as a doctoral student when a friend said he wanted to earn a doctorate too. Every few months or so, the friend would admit he still needed to start. 鈥淚 finished my doctorate, and now it鈥檚 three years later and he is still talking about doing it without having taken any聽action steps聽toward it,鈥 Bible says.
No one鈥檚 going to criticize you for that vague resolution to be nicer to your spouse. But your goal to start a podcast this year, earn a graduate degree or pivot to a new career may invite the Debbie Downers in your life to weigh in. Like it or not,聽goal setting attracts聽detractors. Bible says it鈥檚 important to tune them out. 鈥淭hey do not have to understand your goals or your why. You do. And that is what matters,鈥 he says.
Often, the critics around us attack our goals from a place of their own insecurities, Bible says. 鈥淲hen one says, 鈥榃ell, you cannot do that,鈥 what they are actually saying is, 鈥業 couldn鈥檛 (or wouldn鈥檛) do that, so neither could/should you.鈥欌
While we can鈥檛 really do anything to control other people鈥檚 responses to our goals, we can control whom we share our goals with. Bible urges聽discretion and selection. 鈥淧ick positive people who have your back 鈥 people who will hold you accountable to achieving what you set out to do,鈥 he says.
That takes discipline too.
While the second Friday in January is widely known as Quitters鈥 Day 鈥 the day most people will have given up on their New Year鈥檚 resolutions 鈥 do you see now how different goals are? In fact, how about ditching the resolutions (because, let鈥檚 be honest, you already have anyway) and shifting into a聽goal-setting mindset聽for good? Know your why, get SMART, take action, visualize success and tune out the negative chatter.
And this time next year, you can have a discussion about how you crushed accomplishing your goals instead of setting resolutions.
A journalist-turned-marketer, Laurie Davies has been writing since her high school advanced composition teacher told her she broke too many rules. She has worked with 爱污传媒 since 2017, and currently splits her time between blogging and serving as lead writer on the University鈥檚 Academic Annual Report. Previously, she has written marketing content for MADD, Kaiser Permanente, Massage Envy, UPS, and other national brands. She lives in the 爱污传媒 area with her husband and son, who is the best story she鈥檚 ever written.聽
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